By: Rev. Jude Johnson, Chaplain
I don’t know if there is a better word for the moment after I woke up from top surgery.
I reach to my chest and rub my hands back and forth over how flat it is. Years later, my dear ones still tell me that I do this when I’m overwhelmed with joy. Though the binder the surgeon placed keeps my chest restricted, I’ve never had a moment where my breath was so deep and satisfying. How loud can I celebrate with this newfound depth of breath?
I’ve waited anxiously, even before I knew how to ask for what I needed.
It came in little pieces until my body was truly mine –
The fears and microaggressions, the self-advocacy and support.
Love from my community, Peace that God would co-create this authentic life with me forever.
Faithfulness bursting from the ground – I want to be known authentically.
Righteousness raining from the sky – I want to be blessed.
For years after, I still reach to my chest with both hands. Selah.
Gratitude for this body of mine.
For the parts of me that are in pain, tenderness, I pray.
For the parts of me that are at ease, glory, I pray.
For the parts of me that bring joy, gratitude, I pray.
For the parts of me that yearn for freedom, abolition, I pray.
For the parts of me that are becoming, selah, I pray.
For the parts of us that are in pain, tenderness, we pray.
For the parts of us that are at ease, glory, we pray.
For the parts of us that bring joy, gratitude, we pray.
For the parts of us that yearn for freedom, abolition, we pray.
For the parts of us that are becoming, selah, we pray. Amen.
Artwork: “Radical Healing Heart in Blue” by Naimah Thomas.
Used with permission CC BY-NC-ND
Find more at Justseeds Artists’ Cooperative
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